Stress and Overwhelm

It’s surprising what a pile of rocks can teach you.

I was dusting my office the other day and discovered several bags of beach rocks I’d collected, but hadn’t yet incorporated into a display I have in my office.

The display is for my favorite rocks. (don’t laugh at me – I LOVE collecting rocks)

As I added to my display, I started to run out of space and realized I was going to have to trade out some of the old rocks to make room for the new (better, more beautiful) ones. Which got me thinking…

The same thing happens in business. In the early years, you start “collecting” opportunities, systems and strategies, and they are great at the moment. But as time goes on, you find better opportunities.

And things start to get crowded.

So you find yourself having to either cram everything in, OR make some tough decisions to leave behind things that early on were perfect, but now… just aren’t good enough.

Do you really have to leave things behind?

Yes. Absolutely.

Because they’re crowding out new and better opportunities.

I’m wondering – as you read this, did anything pop into your mind? Maybe a decision you’ve been wrestling with about leaving something behind?

I’ve been feeling burned out, and was considering taking December completely off to get my energy back. 

But it occurred to me that I’m already good at taking time completely off. And I’ve got mad skills for (over)working at a breakneck speed. 

What I’m NOT good at is a consistent, moderate pace. 

So instead of taking the month off, I decided to take December to start building much-needed moderation habits. 

When I shared my thought process with my mom, she responded, “Live your life in a way that doesn’t require you to recover from it.” 

Mom nailed it in 14 words, and it’s my new mantra. 

Guest Post from Rachel Young Nielsen

There is a reason there are 8 colors in the beginner box of crayons.  When you are learning to color, 8 is enough of a variety to make pictures distinct without overwhelming the artist with choices.

And then all of a sudden we understand there are more colors out there. There are more options to paint the portrait bigger, bolder and more precisely than the limiting 8 colors allow. It is in the big-box of crayons that we begin to paint reality as we see it. Using all the colors is what contours the peaks and shadows of our perspective. And by understanding the tiniest of differences in each hue where we begin to comprehend beauty in complexity.

So, I graduated to the big kid box of crayons. 200 crayons is like an entire paint store. And I plan to run my business and live my life coloring with every one of these hues. 

I am not saying I see rainbows of colors in sunrises and sunsets every day. I am saying that in darkness there is equally as much glorious detail as there is in brilliant light. I am saying I want to lean in and feel the shades of painful purples as much as to celebrate the glorious yellows and golden tones. 

Because it’s in the multi-color shading and contouring that I see brilliance and opportunity. It’s in the dark imagery that I understand where the light needs to shine. It’s in feeling the emotion behind the colors, that I understand the power of choice.  And how a positive or negative perspective can shift an entire image from one scene to a completely different setting.

I choose to believe that perspective is equally under our control the same as selecting a “Sunset Orange” #FE4C40 or an “Orange-Red” #FF5349. Neither choice is WRONG, yet an artist that makes the slightest adjustment in the balance of colors completely changes the picture. 

Perspective, like color, is a malleable state. 

Perspective, like color, needs the darkness and the light to truly make one another work. 

2020 was the ultimate equalizer…the world shifted for everyone, no matter if you are an entrepreneur, an employee, a parent, a child, a retiree, a refugee or a tycoon.  There is comfort knowing every soul has been impacted, and we are each painting our own picture from our individual perspective. We are simply choosing different colors from the crayon box. 

I remember that it’s my choice to color with the dark shadows for the days and situations that overwhelm.

Some days I’ll choose to scribble and scratch in any color I want as if screaming into the wind. And then the very next day I may choose to see the light spaces that were left pure and untouched. 

And sitting there in the light is where my creative ideas and solutions sprout. It’s my perspective as an artist that guides the image I ultimately create, just as it is my perspective that shapes the leader, wife and mother I want to be. 

The reactions to my experiences shape who I am, and by living life using all the colors I believe I have a well-rounded, informed perspective. 

I have bad days, I own my fears and I am angry that I can’t control the environment, the economy, my own health or the actions of people who are just flat out mean. But I can control how I react to the darkness. I can control my perspective – just the same as if selecting an orange hue or a red-ish tinge. 

As a leader of a company in an industry that was decimated with the 2020 Pandemic, I have firsthand experience with the power of a perspective. For my own company, and for our clients, we maintained the perspective to be clear on the outcomes we wanted to create, and then used all the colors to paint exactly those pictures.  

Some images looked very different. Some of us scaled down or started using new colors all together.  The color choice wasn’t nearly as important as the final image we wanted to create. We went into each situation with a clarity on the perspective we wanted to hold and the image we wanted to create.  

Perspective is the single most influential factor that holds the power to influence our own life, our business and our community.  I don’t want to miss out, so I will continue living my life coloring with the big box of crayons.

Authors Credit

RACHEL YOUNG NIELSEN created a movement with her “results matter” mentality.  Fascinated by ideas, and  inspired by the future, Rachel turns anyone’s vision into a reality.  With beliefs deeply rooted in “proving anything is possible”  – she has been guiding people and organizations to amplified achievements as a mentor, speaker, author and founder of Advanced Events, Inc. and Result Drivers, Inc.  Rachel is an active member of Enterprising Women Advisory Board and recipient of the Enterprising Women of the Year Award, appears on podcasts and radio shows featuring her provocative thought process and infectious positive positioning. As an expert in experience marketing, change management, alignment advantage and organizational empowerment, she is versatile in her approach and her guidance. 

Rachel is inspired by people and experiences, which often sparks the creative solutions her clients seek. Reach out to connect directly at Rachel@AdvancedEvents.net.

Guest Post from Joane Quitay, our in-house Systems Guru.

My client, Mary, just had probably the biggest tech snafu during a live launch this week, something totally beyond her control.

We spent months preparing for this virtual event – even making last minute changes to improve her funnel – and by the universe’s idea of fun there was a power outage where Mary (the host) is located… in the middle of her paid live workshop.

The power cut lasted for 5 hours, and she had no choice but to cancel and re-schedule. Fortunately, the participants were very understanding. Mary sent out an email immediately to apologize and set up a new date for the event.

I could only imagine the roller coaster of emotions she was experiencing at the time it was unfolding!

I’d just like to recognize the resilience and grace of Mary in this situation. Granted things may not go as planned during live launches, but to have absolutely no way to continue on that very day is a whole other level of stressful.

I wanted to share what I believe went right, despite all that. 

1. First, acceptance. When faced with a difficult situation, she recognized that shit happened/ is happening. She tried to make it work – but to no avail. It takes a leader to see that through, despite being in the middle of the fire.
   
2. Second, knowing full well what systems are in place, Mary was quick to realize all the automations that we had set up to follow this workshop should be put on hold so she did that immediately to avoid any further confusion. We use a register of all the marketing systems we build/ update and uses a naming convention so it’s easier for her and her team members to track the tech.
   
3. Third, communicate. Immediately the team was made aware of what had transpired so all hands were on deck, pulling the sail to a different route. At the same time, all clients were being notified and Mary’s team got in their good graces. It was a bonus that her customers resonate with her values and are kind and compassionate people.
   
4. Finally, pause. Often we want to make things right ASAP when something goes sideways. But knowing that the more we push, it’s more likely to lead to more errors and stress. Mary knew she had to allow her mind and body to regroup. Having set up all the systems in her day to day allowed Mary to have the space to rest easy the rest of the day.

So yeah, we may have prepared for a totally different outcome, but all that preparation also helped her and her team handle that situation with grace and efficiency.

As I have witnessed, it is when an unexpected circumstance arises that a leader’s true power shines through. 

Written by: Joane Quitay, JQ Virtual Services

To quote Brené Brown, I had fully armored up my heart.

It took 5 years to build this armor.

Five years of a viciously divisive political environment followed by a health crisis of proportions we never could have imagined. Five years of emotional, psychological and physical stress, while fighting to maintain the focus required for my business.

It came on gradually, this armoring. A little emotional distancing, a few blocked friendships, forced physical distancing, binge-watching Netflix.

Then Smokey came along.

Through this difficult adopted cat and the deep conversations he necessitated, I finally woke up to how locked in my head (and out of my heart) I’d become.

The transformation came when I chose a new name for the cat. Here’s how I explained it to a friend:

“I decided to name the cat Maitri (pronounced “my-tree”), which is Sanskrit for “compassionate friendship” or “unconditional friendliness.” Not so much because he is unconditionally friendly all the time, but because it’s what I need as a reminder about how to treat myself. I’d like him to help remind me.”

If you read Part 2 of this series, you already know that I ended up bringing Smokey/Maitri back to the shelter and adopted another cat. As counter intuitive as it may seem, doing so was a powerful act of maitri… for myself. An act that sweetly cracked my heart wide open (I’m breaking into tender tears as I write this).

Why am I sharing this story?

Because the successful people I admire most are the ones who reveal their flaws and vulnerability. When they do, I get to see their delightfully imperfect humanity, which makes what they’ve accomplished feel a little more attainable for me.

This experience opened me up to receive a whole new world of possibilities. My hope is that by sharing it, it will open-up possibilities for you, too.

I went from giddy to distraught almost overnight.

We’d adopted a cat, Smokey, and it wasn’t quite working out.

Lesson 1: Be careful about “almost what I want”.

Smokey was almost the cat I wanted, and I felt awful about it.

I was distraught for a week. Judging myself for being too picky, too needy. Whining that Smokey bonded with Adam and not with me.

I wanted a cuddly animal, and Smokey was affectionate but mercurial.

Lesson 2: Ask for help and feedback.

I was reassured by Adam and friends and the humane society that getting the right animal is what is most important, so it’s ok if we decided to bring him back.

And, still exploring what was the right thing to do, I got the advice, “Mary, be open to receive. Let him come to you the way he wants to.”

Okay, there’s that “open to receive” lesson again. I’m paying attention.

So I took a breath and became open to receiving. Giving Smokey space.

The next morning, Smokey and I were enjoying each other’s company, and I decided to play with him – a little tussle. And he attacked and clawed the hell out of my skull.

Lesson 3: Stop asking for feedback and get quiet.

I stopped.

I walked away.

Away from Smokey.

Away from other people’s advice and opinions.

I took a walk into nature, journal in hand, and got quiet.

Lesson 4: Get clear about what you truly want to receive.

As I walked, I looked around for a good place to sit. I wanted a place that was comfortable… and that’s when it hit me.

I want a pet that provides comfort.

An animal who was open to receive love and affection the way I naturally express it. Cuddling, playing, tussling.

THAT was what was most important.

The truth of this flooded through my body.

Then I sat down to journal. I started listing the reasons I should keep Smokey. The majority of the reasons were superficial (he’s so pretty and soft) or having to do with other people’s opinions (my sister will kill me if I bring him back to the shelter, I already posted on social media).

Not a single reason was about comfort.

But what about my lesson? Being open to receive and all that? Was I supposed to keep Smokey and learn some deep lesson?

Or was it OK to desire something that was more perfectly aligned with what I wanted? Or was that selfish and shallow and a cop-out?

Lesson 5: TRUST that what you want is aligned with the greatest good for all involved.

I had to stop second-guessing myself.

I took a deep breath and felt that the lesson Smokey was here to give me had already been provided: being open to receive is one thing, but to receive what I want, I have to be very clear about my desires.

Otherwise, I end up with… close to what I want. Partly what I want. Almost what I want.

In other words: settling. And settling serves no one.

But when you align yourself with what you want, the joy of that alignment has a positive ripple effect for all involved.

Lesson 6: Be willing to get it wrong to discover what is truly right, quickly.

Having Smokey in my home was exhausting emotionally. I felt like I was walking on eggshells.

When I brought Smokey back to the no-kill shelter, it was a full-on ugly cry situation.

I knew in my heart that bringing him back, so we could both find the right situations, was for the best. But I was wracked with guilt nonetheless.

But because the situation was so challenging, so confronting – it quickly forced me to clarify what I wanted. A clarity I could not have gotten as quickly had I not taken action and gotten it “wrong.”

Lesson 7: Glow with gratitude… for the challenges, for the lessons and for receiving what you want.

I am so grateful for Smokey.

He was a catalyst for understanding what I truly wanted.

He reminded me to not be afraid of getting it wrong in order to clarify what I really want.

And to release what isn’t right for me, even when it’s hard.

So grateful.

And they lived happily ever after…

Smokey was adopted less than three days after I tearfully brought him back.

And when I went to find my new cat, I knew what I was looking for. I was willing to walk away and wait until I found an animal that was a match.

I sat with cats and kittens, and just allowed myself to play with them the way I naturally enjoy. Room after room I visited and it was clear that most of the cats were not into my way of expressing affection.

Then, I got to little Inigo.

I played with him with his kitty toys and he was totally into it.

I picked him up and cuddled him and he was totally into it.

I challenged him to hop up the increasingly higher shelves in the room (“I bet you can’t jump up here. WOW good boy, you did it!!! I bet you can’t get to this next one… oh my gosh what a brave boy, you did it!”) and he was totally into it.

Then more cuddles.

Then more play.

I thought about meeting the other kittens, but I just couldn’t tear myself away.

Oooohhh… just one more cuddle.

One more tussle.

And that was it.

Not from scarcity. From clarity. From being open to receive and from honoring my own desires as valid and deserving.

Epilogue

I resisted telling this story because I was afraid of being called superficial or ridiculous for tying myself in knots over a cat. But the truth is…

I’ve been transformed by a single sentence in a fantasy fiction book.

I’ve been transformed by commercials.

I’ve been transformed waiting in line at the supermarket.

I love being open to receive lessons through mundane, everyday experiences, and I hope this blog encourages you to do the same.