Humor

Cure a Crowded Calendar: 46 Ways to Say NO 

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At the end of each year, I look ahead and strategize ways to make sure I don’t overload my calendar and spread myself too thin.

This year the answer came through loud and clear: say NO to substandard opportunities.

​​I ran this by a few of my peers and the response was a resounding, “Yesssssss… but how do I do that?”

Because the truth is, you need an arsenal of “no” responses to handle the wide variety of situations you encounter on a daily basis. So I compiled a list of suggestions (including unexpected but appreciated neurodivergent perspectives) from my online community in order to support you to say no to any substandard opportunities that come your way. I’ve left in duplicates for emphasis!

First, a Little Fun

1. Janet: 🤣 

2. Diane: Write “no” across the top of your calendar for every day of the week. Tell the person asking you to do the favor “just a minute, I have to check my calendar”. Come back and say, “I’m sorry but my calendar says no.” 😂

3. Mary Sue: Unfortunately, I can’t take on any unpaid work to help you make money at this time. Thanks for thinking of me though.

Direct, Brief Responses

4. Tina: No. I use it just as it is.

5. Heather: No.

6. Kathy: NO

7. Lisa: No. 🤪🤪✊

8. Kimble: Nope.

9. Eric: Nope.

10.  Gioia: It seems to me that “No” is simple and to the point. There is no need to say anything more.

11.  Kelley: It’s in the delivery. Breathe so you’re grounded. And then let it come from your heart. And if you really want no objection, make it about how you feel. Nobody can argue with how you feel.

Work or Commitment Requests

Stella:

12.  That’s not a priority for me right now.

13.  I’m not interested at this time.

14.  That doesn’t work for me at the moment.

15.  I’m not in a spot to say yes right now.

16.  I’d love to help out where it makes sense, but this seems out of scope for me at the moment.

17.  I don’t have the bandwidth to take on anything new right now.

18.  I’m really prioritizing my mental health and wellbeing right now.

19.  I’m downsizing my commitments for next year in order to have a more sustainable work-life balance.

20.  I promised myself I’d say no to things that don’t light me up.

21.  I recognize the need, but I don’t know that I’m the one to fill it.

Neurodivergent Perspectives

22.  Dave: As a busy and neurodivergent person, anything other than short and sweet gets intuitively processed as unclear or a “maybe.” Folks need to put effort in for me not to understand a clear no as anything but kind. I’m grateful for: No, Not now, Another time (I may try to set that up), A referral.

23.  Heather: My son is autistic and has a particular flavor that doesn’t respond to no – and I think that opens up an entire other conversation too. His teachers every year would be like; “we will teach him” and mid-year they are like “ok, we concede, he doesn’t register no and cannot accept it” and I’m like yep- welcome to the party.

24.  Brooke: I’m an ADHDer and I am so, so grateful when people speak plainly and directly. I simply do not understand indirect communication styles. So, yes, if you mean “no” please just say “no”.

Personal or Social Situations

25.  Jim: Please don’t waste your time, this isn’t going to happen. (Persistent missionaries at the doorstep)

26.  Amy: When my then boyfriend / now husband was moving too fast in our early days: “Let’s save that for later.” We still talk about that 😊

27.  Melanie: I appreciate your ….. this phrasing also works instead of saying I’m sorry….. It turns it into asking them to understand rather than you apologizing.

28.  Jamie: Since my toddler no longer hears NO… I say – that’s not an option right now. Might work on adults who also don’t hear the word no (aka parents or siblings).

No with Appreciation

29.  Linda: Thank you for asking but my answer must be no.

30.  Carolyn: “Thank you for understanding that I just don’t have the capacity to say yes (or room on my plate or my plate already runneth over, etc…).” Use ‘thank you’ instead of ‘I’m sorry’ when declining.

31.  Shanna: Thank you but no. Good luck on your search.

32.  Kathleen: “I cannot say yes, but thanks for asking.”

33.  Andrea: I’m not comfortable with that right now. I’m sure you understand.

34.  Lisa: Thank you for asking, I truly am flattered. However, I must decline. I don’t have the capacity at this time to do your request justice.

35.  Lorie: Thank you for reaching out. I’m not able to help right now but I appreciate you thinking of me!

36.  Cindy: Thanks for asking. I don’t think I’m the right fit for this right now. Might I suggest…. (someone else who could do the job).

37.  Ashley: It sounds like an awesome opportunity but I’m overextended for the foreseeable future.

Kristen: I like to share that I have no capacity…

38.  I do not have capacity for anything new and don’t foresee that changing anytime soon.

39.  I appreciate you asking and I don’t have capacity for that.

40.  I am already overwhelmed with so much going on, I am going to have to say no.

41.  I am behind on other projects right now and I like to keep my commitments so I am not making any more.

42.  I am going to have to say no to stay in integrity with myself.

43.  Lelia: No…it works every time. No need for reasons why. You can always add, thank you for thinking of me

44.  Claire: I hear you and thank you, but the answer has to be no

45.  Cindy: Thank you for asking but I must decline.

Firm Responses

46.  Jim: A lot of responses from nice people that probably don’t have a lot of sales experience. The persistent salesperson has heard it all. Too many words just have them waiting to pounce. You need to punch them squarely in the nose. Nicely. ‘Not happening’ No rationalization or justification. Blam. Give them no hope you might engage. They will appreciate it and move on. You’re being nice.

Special thanks to Big Impact Business Owners and Coaches Creating CommUnity for their generous and thoughtful contributions to this list.

Business Owner Confessions: My Most Spine-Tingling Moments Part 2

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We’re back for more thrilling tales from the world of business ownership! Parts 2 and 3 of my series on scary yet wildly fun moments as a business owner are here. So whether you’re a returning viewer or just joining the party, you’re in for a treat.

Get ready for a rollercoaster ride through the ups and downs of entrepreneurship.

Part 2:

And Part 3:

100% Open Rate, Lesson 2 (an email program I love)

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If you read Lesson 1, you know the lesson is to get started imperfectly.

Lesson 2 is about getting started simply.

And one of the biggest barriers to simplicity these days is technology.

Let’s go back to my client who had just 1 person on her list. Once she made the decision to start sending emails, the next hurdle was: which program to use?

To dip a toe into the overwhelming number of options, do a quick search for “email sending programs.” You will see endless ads and articles that “narrow” down to the top 23 options (ugh).

In the spirit of true simplicity, I’m going to narrow it down to 1 for you.

The program I recommend is Constant Contact.

Yes, I know, it’s kind of old school, but here is why I recommend it:

  1. Customer Service. Seriously, I shouldn’t even write #2 or #3, because this is SO huge. While there are free programs out there like MailMonkey and SendPurple (names have been changed) – the sheer time and frustration you’ll spend on trying to figure out the answers on your own or dig through community forums to get answers… believe me, the $10-20 a month is worth it.
  2. Simple Tech. So easy to build an email, add your contacts, send an email. Years ago, a 70-year-old client of mine who was not super tech-savvy built and sent her first email within an hour (with the help of their outstanding customer service).
  3. Scalable. Start simple with email. Then if you want to add a landing page? Constant Contact can do that. Event marketing? Social media marketing? Integrations with other programs? Yep, CC can do that too.

This is a very specific example, of course. For whatever you’re trying to accomplish right now, here is a quick-start approach to simplifying:

  • What is the goal or project?
  • What are all the things getting in the way? (brainstorm)
  • Regardless of what you’ve done in the past and all of the barriers, what is the SIMPLEST way to reach the goal? In particular, consider how to make it technologically easiest.
  • What is the first step? When will you take it?

100% Open Rate, Lesson 1

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My client got a 100% open rate the very first time she sent an email to her list.

WOW. How did she do that?

Well… she only had 1 person on her list.

So – surprise! The open rate isn’t the lesson.

The lesson came in an earlier conversation after she said to me, “I’ll start keeping in touch with my list once it’s bigger.”

To which I replied, “Start now. Build the habit and systems. Create a container to put great people who want the gift of your content and resources into.”

Too often the pursuit of perfect, polished, ready, or even just “good enough”, derails getting started.

But the truth is, it’s the trying, the trial and error, actually putting yourself out there and DOING IT, that gets you the result you want.

So send the emails before you have a big list… and you will grow your list.

Do the speaking inquiries before your presentation is perfect… and you will get great at speaking.

Record that video before you fully understand how it fits into your strategy… and you will get comfortable in front of the camera and attract a following.

My client will likely never get a 100% open rate again, but she embraced the lesson of getting started imperfectly.

Be Bold Like a Q-Tip®

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I couldn’t stop laughing recently when I bought some Q-tips, flipped over the package and read the marketing copy:

Q-tips® cotton swabs are the Ultimate Home and Beauty Tool.

C’mon. It’s cotton. On a stick.

Without reservation, they make this bold claim*.

And yet every day I run into business owners who downplay how they talk about their work, for fear of being accused of exaggerating, bragging or over-promising.

They tend to call this “being humble.”

But the truth is when you play small, you shut down possibilities.

Got that?

You’re shutting down possibilities.

Ask yourself…

By playing small, what possibilities do you shut down for yourself?

And if that doesn’t get you motivated, then how about this question…

By playing small, what possibilities do you shut down for others?

Ouch. (yes, I know how to hit givers where it hurts)

So here’s my suggestion: when you talk about your business, when you create your messaging, shift your thinking from “making promises” to “opening up possibilities.”

You can even tape a Q-tip to your desk to remind you. ?

* Funnily enough, this claim isn’t actually over-stating things. They provided a list of uses, and the possibilities are quite impressive!

The 5 Phases We’re All Going Through Right Now

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It’s been amazing and awful to cycle through being scared then creative then challenged then connected… and back around to scared again.

This rapid-fire cycling has made me SO much more intentional about getting support and connection from my community (the Watch Us Thrive calls are the best example of this)!

Through these connections, I noticed a very consistent pattern: 5 distinct phases that business owners are going through. The time frame for each phase is different for everyone, and the phases don’t necessarily occur in this exact order.

Phase 1: Abject Terror
Oh @#$%&! This is no joke, it’s not China’s problem, it’s actually here. The economic impact is going be staggering. My business will never survive. No one is buying anything. Ever again.

You freak out, become paralyzed and may be eating potato chips dipped into a chocolate milkshake. You have difficulty breathing, sleeping, and keeping your mind off toilet paper. Nothing productive happens during this phase.

Phase 2: Panic in Motion
You realize you’ve got to get off the couch, but can’t seem to stop arguing with people on social media or refreshing websites looking at COVID-19 graphs. Refreshing, refreshing, refreshing… WAIT – I gotta get to work!

You waffle back and forth, “Can I position myself to benefit from this? Wait – oh ick! NO! I can’t capitalize on this. But I’m helping people, right? Will they think I’m being opportunistic?”

More chips. More milkshakes. An emotional roller coaster that takes you, minute by minute, from feeling mildly hopeful to dipping into the desperation of, “We’re screwed forever… what’s the point of doing anything?”

Phase 3: Channeling “The Dude”*
Hey man, it’s cool, I have no control over this. I’ve pretty much been ordered to stay home, and it seems like no one is doing business anyway, so… maybe I’ll do some gardening. Or watch Pride and Prejudice (the 6-hour BBC version) at 2 o’clock in the afternoon. And then go for a walk.

I’m going to treat this kind of like a vacation.

This is ok. I mean it sucks, but maybe this is the universe’s way of telling me to slow down, right?

* The Dude is a waaaayyy chill aging hippie from the movie The Big Lebowski.

Phase 4: Productivity Overkill
THIS! This is the opportunity in the crisis! Yes! It all has meaning now.

I am NOT going to waste this time. I’ve been wanting to start my podcast and write my book. I’m going to take this time and do both. (I mean it is kind of weird how it’s harder to get things done even though my schedule is so open.)

So… ok, I’m going to frame the family pictures, start making bread, develop an online mastermind, can my own veggies, plant a garden, organize weekly Zoom calls for my family and create an online course while losing 20 pounds.

Oh thank goodness! I’ve worked myself into the normal over-scheduled pace I’m used to.

Phase 5: Settling into Your New Reality
You realize, this is how it’s going to be for a while, so you focus on figuring out new routines. How to work out at home, find alone time even though the kids are around, get work done.

Born out of necessity, you start to get creative. Solving problems you’ve been stewing on for months or even years. Collaborating with others because you’re craving connection.

Fears still crop up, but more often than not you see where you can be serving and thriving and simply running your damn business through the chaos.