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Open to Receive: Part 2 – Inigo Montoya & Smokey

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I went from giddy to distraught almost overnight.

We’d adopted a cat, Smokey, and it wasn’t quite working out.

Lesson 1: Be careful about “almost what I want”.

Smokey was almost the cat I wanted, and I felt awful about it.

I was distraught for a week. Judging myself for being too picky, too needy. Whining that Smokey bonded with Adam and not with me.

I wanted a cuddly animal, and Smokey was affectionate but mercurial.

Lesson 2: Ask for help and feedback.

I was reassured by Adam and friends and the humane society that getting the right animal is what is most important, so it’s ok if we decided to bring him back.

And, still exploring what was the right thing to do, I got the advice, “Mary, be open to receive. Let him come to you the way he wants to.”

Okay, there’s that “open to receive” lesson again. I’m paying attention.

So I took a breath and became open to receiving. Giving Smokey space.

The next morning, Smokey and I were enjoying each other’s company, and I decided to play with him – a little tussle. And he attacked and clawed the hell out of my skull.

Lesson 3: Stop asking for feedback and get quiet.

I stopped.

I walked away.

Away from Smokey.

Away from other people’s advice and opinions.

I took a walk into nature, journal in hand, and got quiet.

Lesson 4: Get clear about what you truly want to receive.

As I walked, I looked around for a good place to sit. I wanted a place that was comfortable… and that’s when it hit me.

I want a pet that provides comfort.

An animal who was open to receive love and affection the way I naturally express it. Cuddling, playing, tussling.

THAT was what was most important.

The truth of this flooded through my body.

Then I sat down to journal. I started listing the reasons I should keep Smokey. The majority of the reasons were superficial (he’s so pretty and soft) or having to do with other people’s opinions (my sister will kill me if I bring him back to the shelter, I already posted on social media).

Not a single reason was about comfort.

But what about my lesson? Being open to receive and all that? Was I supposed to keep Smokey and learn some deep lesson?

Or was it OK to desire something that was more perfectly aligned with what I wanted? Or was that selfish and shallow and a cop-out?

Lesson 5: TRUST that what you want is aligned with the greatest good for all involved.

I had to stop second-guessing myself.

I took a deep breath and felt that the lesson Smokey was here to give me had already been provided: being open to receive is one thing, but to receive what I want, I have to be very clear about my desires.

Otherwise, I end up with… close to what I want. Partly what I want. Almost what I want.

In other words: settling. And settling serves no one.

But when you align yourself with what you want, the joy of that alignment has a positive ripple effect for all involved.

Lesson 6: Be willing to get it wrong to discover what is truly right, quickly.

Having Smokey in my home was exhausting emotionally. I felt like I was walking on eggshells.

When I brought Smokey back to the no-kill shelter, it was a full-on ugly cry situation.

I knew in my heart that bringing him back, so we could both find the right situations, was for the best. But I was wracked with guilt nonetheless.

But because the situation was so challenging, so confronting – it quickly forced me to clarify what I wanted. A clarity I could not have gotten as quickly had I not taken action and gotten it “wrong.”

Lesson 7: Glow with gratitude… for the challenges, for the lessons and for receiving what you want.

I am so grateful for Smokey.

He was a catalyst for understanding what I truly wanted.

He reminded me to not be afraid of getting it wrong in order to clarify what I really want.

And to release what isn’t right for me, even when it’s hard.

So grateful.

And they lived happily ever after…

Smokey was adopted less than three days after I tearfully brought him back.

And when I went to find my new cat, I knew what I was looking for. I was willing to walk away and wait until I found an animal that was a match.

I sat with cats and kittens, and just allowed myself to play with them the way I naturally enjoy. Room after room I visited and it was clear that most of the cats were not into my way of expressing affection.

Then, I got to little Inigo.

I played with him with his kitty toys and he was totally into it.

I picked him up and cuddled him and he was totally into it.

I challenged him to hop up the increasingly higher shelves in the room (“I bet you can’t jump up here. WOW good boy, you did it!!! I bet you can’t get to this next one… oh my gosh what a brave boy, you did it!”) and he was totally into it.

Then more cuddles.

Then more play.

I thought about meeting the other kittens, but I just couldn’t tear myself away.

Oooohhh… just one more cuddle.

One more tussle.

And that was it.

Not from scarcity. From clarity. From being open to receive and from honoring my own desires as valid and deserving.

Epilogue

I resisted telling this story because I was afraid of being called superficial or ridiculous for tying myself in knots over a cat. But the truth is…

I’ve been transformed by a single sentence in a fantasy fiction book.

I’ve been transformed by commercials.

I’ve been transformed waiting in line at the supermarket.

I love being open to receive lessons through mundane, everyday experiences, and I hope this blog encourages you to do the same.

Open to Receive: Part 1 – “Thanks, Facebook.”

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I’m a human doing, rarely just a human being.

I’m hard-wired to believe that in order for something to happen, I have to make it happen.

This belief gives me a tremendous work ethic, which has served me well.

And… I’m beginning to suspect I miss opportunities because of it.

Because I have blinders on, of a sort. Like, “if I’m not always working and pushing, nothing is going to happen. I have to be vigilant and pushing and head down and nose to the grindstone.”

But this grinds out a measure of creativity. It crowds out wonder and unexpected opportunities.

These days, I keep getting the message over and over, “Mary, just be open to receive.” ?

Oh yes, that’s SO easy for a human doing to just shift to some unknown state because this “open to receive” idea has been uttered.

As I often do when I’m puzzled, I turn to my brain trust on Facebook. Don’t laugh, my friends are amazing and responsive and warm.

Here is the wise, simple and often humorous feedback I received when I reached out to my peers.

(oh wow, as I write this, I just realized this post in itself was an exercise in being open to receive!!)

My Facebook Post:

Question… I hear about being “open to receive” all the time. The question is, how exactly do you do that in your life?

Cindy Whyte-Bradley
Ironically, I just started a 30 day Open to Abundance event ? I look forward to this thread ?I too am quite curious. ?

Gilat Ben-Dor
I think of it as a grateful expectation of what I have asked for/envisioned.

Mary Sue Dahill
I try not to be defensive or stuck on my point of view when receiving feedback, ideas, or coaching. I try to accept the input as a gift to see or do things differently.

For some reason, this does not work when receiving feedback from my sister or husband. ?

Mary Elizabeth Tracy
One of my favorite affirmations is ‘I’m an amazing good luck generator and I’m open to receive!’
But I don’t know what the heck it means! Following!

Susan D Wilkinson
The power of positive words set with intention goes a long way.

Imagine yourself being in the mountains or the oceans or anywhere that brings you Bliss. Your arms wide open sunshining cool breeze and you set an intention like this.

“Dear universe I now open my arms to accept infinite abundance in all areas of my life now.” ❤️ That to me is being open to receive, its like manifesting or doing a vision board. Good luck to being open and to receive all the good in your life. Mary ~take a look back and see how you have been open and have received, I sure see it.?

Vickie Gould
Wow, that’s a big question. When you’re open to receive, you expect to receive it, you know with that knowing that it’s coming and it’s happening. Done deal. What happens is that most of the time we feel unworthy or that we need to do more or be more before we’re “allowed” to have it and then we close up our ability to receive. Even a simple “No, I’m good,” when someone offers to help is closing up your receiving vibe. Receiving is only 1 step out of 6 in the Law of Attraction.

Jane Garee
SO MANY aha moments came from this conversation last night! For me, I’m working on embracing vulnerability and having the courage to be loved in all the ways love comes at me.

Diane Mehagian
For me, it is visualizing what I want as if I already have it, identifying with how that manifestation feels (joy, excitement, love, contentment, gratitude, etc.) and then being in a place of surrender to how it unfolds and trusting all is in divine right order. Surrendering is very important.???

Eric Ashmore
Just reading this thread makes me happy that i am, “closed for service”!?

Mary Jo Bolduc
I think changing practiced patterns of thought is slow and steady work…just like rebuilding any muscle. Try making one small daily promise to yourself toward this idea and following through with it. ❤️

Brice M Kenyon
Love as you would like to be loved, listen to everything everyone, music. Look at the beauty of this world, in every big and little thing there is.
Love from NZ, BK

Carol Hill
When I think ? about I think in terms of my natural ability to try to control every aspect about every outcome. To receive is to be willing at times ( more times than not), to let go of that control and simply ask the universe very specifically for what you need and then sit back and wait to receive it in the universe’s timeframe NOT yours. If you’re a bit of a control freak like me it’s not an easy thing to master. I advance and then fall back all the time but I’m learning slowly ? hope my 2 cents helps bring in another perspective ?

Lani Visconti
The book, The Law of Receiving ❤️ by Raymond Holliwell

Michele Bennyhoff
For me being open is when I create space in my life. I break routine, have nothing planned or scheduled, and be willing to see, hear, and do… only if it feels more right than the inner peace I must leave to receive it.

Add your 2 cents about being open to receive on Facebook here!

Business Lesson from a Workout FAIL

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Several years ago I hired a personal trainer to help kickstart some New Year’s Resolutions. I showed up in the early morning hours hopeful and ready to kick some ass.

10 minutes later, I was ready to pass out and throw up.

I wasn’t that out of shape, and my trainer hadn’t pushed me that hard. What happened?

After a brief discussion, I learned that you shouldn’t drink a large protein smoothie 30 minutes before a workout.

I had assumed that because you need energy for a workout, the best solution would be to eat right before you go to the gym.

I thought back to other failed attempts at working out and realized that this laughably simple – but foundational – wrong assumption led to the majority of my failures.

Changing this ONE assumption led to years of success in fitness. And…

I see this stuff in business all the time.

The assumption that accepting money means you’re not fully in the spirit of service to others.

The assumption that marketing is all about saying “look at me, look at me, look at me!”

The assumption that sales is about convincing and pushing others to do something they don’t want to do.

(all wrong, BTW)

Unearth YOUR assumptions and question them. Hidden, they will keep you stuck. Revealed, they will shift your results forever.

Gratitude and Half-Measures

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For me, simply feeling gratitude is a half-measure.

I feel grateful every day for my family, my health and my husband. But I find that my actions are not always in alignment with this gratitude.

This year, I have had no major health issues. But I slacked off exercising and eating healthy.

My family has been wonderful. And while I showed up for emergencies, I haven’t been attentive in small ways to show them how much I appreciate them.

My husband has been a rock. But I often (confession time) overwork, and he gets the short end of the stick with my attention and energy.

“Unexpressed gratitude communicates ingratitude.” – Andy Stanley

Simply feeling gratitude is not enough for me, so I’m focusing on expressing my gratitude through action. Are you with me?

Let’s not wait for an emergency to show our families how much we care. Call them, connect with them while they’re here and healthy.

Let’s not just write in a gratitude journal that we’re grateful for our health. Go exercise.

Let’s not settle for just feeling appreciation for our spouse. Knock off work early (or simply on time) while you still have energy to be present to focus on them.

Why don’t you post your gratitude in action commitment here? We’ll meet back here next year, and find out how it went!

Prague Blog, Part 2: The Big Aha

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Here’s the aha: I’ve been exhausting myself aiming for huge goals that I don’t care about.

During my month in Prague, I read the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fig* by Mark Manson. The timing of the book was excellent because I was pretty worn out by navigating in a foreign country and my defenses were down.

I got to the chapter of the book titled “You Are Not Special,” and read the following passage:

“The ticket to emotional health, like that to physical health, comes from eating your veggies – that is, accepting the bland and mundane truths of life: truths such as “Your actions actually don’t matter that much in the grand scheme  of things” and “The vast majority of your life will be boring and not noteworthy, and that’s ok.” This vegetable course will taste bad at first. Very bad. You will avoid accepting it.

But once ingested, your body will wake up feeling more potent and more alive. After all, the constant pressure to is something amazing, to be the next big thing will be lifted off your back. The stress and anxiety of always feeling inadequate and constantly needing to prove yourself will dissipate. And the knowledge and acceptance of your own mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish, without judgment or lofty expectations.”

And it was like a weight had been lifted. Because somewhere along the line I had started taking on elements of other people’s visions of grand exceptionalism.

People like Gary Vaynerchuk, Brad Burchard, Tony Robbins. (people I don’t care about)

Visions of luxury world tours and millions and mansions. (visions I don’t care about)

Lifestyles of hustle and glittering peak performance and nonstop stratospheric achievement. (lifestyles I don’t care about)

I was exhausted by how high the bar was set… and it wasn’t even my bar!

I have a very specific vision for my business. A vision that aligns with my values. A vision of work that positively impacts the lives of others. Work that allows me to earn exactly the money to live in a nice home, eat good food, be with my family, travel, have savings and retirement.

I suppose it’s not terribly exciting, but when I sit with it – without comparison to others – I quite like it. I feel relaxed. So…

Why don’t I simply make a difference to the people I can reach easily? Why don’t I just keep doing what’s working? How about instead of doing more, I just do what I do now, but a little better and more focused? Why don’t I relax a little and enjoy the journey?

TRUST.

My vision is good enough.

My efforts are good enough.

My heart is good enough.

Trust my vision.

Trust my efforts.

Trust my heart.

Trust myself.

* My mother reads my blog and despises swearing, so I’ve prioritized her preference above using the real title the author gave the book.

NOTE: I found my extended trip overseas so impactful that I’m doing it again (this time in Ireland) and am taking a small group with me for a  Daring Moves Retreat.  Email me if you’d like the program details!

Prague Blog, Part 1: The Glamour vs. the Reality

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Heads up! There’s a surprise ending ahead… While my month working from Prague was a big bold daring move, there was a BIG difference between the touristy high points and the day-to-day reality of working in a foreign country. Here is a brief reflection of lessons from my trip, and the unexpected aha moment in the end.

Working abroad for a month instead of working from home…

Sounds pretty glamorous, right?

Yes, it’s an absolute thrill and it looks super cool on social media. But it is challenging.

Everything takes longer than expected.

Things look kind of the same on the surface, but I discovered that everything was either a little different, or a LOT different than expected.

To accomplish anything, I had to employ entirely different skills. Ones that – even though I thought I was prepared – I didn’t even know I needed.

Some of the things that I expected would be easy, were difficult. And some of the things I expected would be difficult, were easy.

Mary in Prague: What it looked like vs What it often felt like

 

After a while, I figured out that getting comfortable with the unexpected was an emotional muscle I needed to bulk up!

Communication was crazy: often I thought I was being clear about what I wanted, but instead ended up frustrated.

On a day-to-day basis, if I’m being honest, I was often more frustrated than delighted. However, upon looking back, it was a tremendously rewarding and fun experience.

In the end, it pushed me WAY past my comfort zone, helped me discover how much I am truly capable of, and showed me just how much freedom I truly have.

Now, how does this relate to owning a business? This is the surprise ending.

Go back to the bolded sentence at the beginning and replace it with, “Owning your own business instead of working for someone else…” Then re-read my list of realizations and I think you’ll see the parallels.

;- )

Maybe it’s time for you to make a few comfort-zone-stretching, daring moves of your own!