Stress and Overwhelm

Reality check about simplifying

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SimplifyI know a lot of people are in the mode of simplifying right now, myself included. And even though simplifying can eventually rocket you into a Zen-like state, the process sometimes makes you want to tear your hair out!

I’ll give you an example. Have you ever organized a messy closet? Here’s what it looks like:

  1. You can’t take the chaos anymore, and decide you’re going to organize the closet.
  2. You pull everything out. It now looks worse (WAY worse) than when you started.
  3. You start thinking that it didn’t really look that bad to start with, and wonder what possessed you to take on this stupid project in the first place.
  4. You go to Starbucks to refuel.
  5. You come back and start madly sorting into piles.
  6. You start to see some organization in the chaos.
  7. Tired and sweaty, you put away what is left.
  8. You sigh with satisfaction, then post the before and after photos on Facebook to make your friends jealous.

Note that 6 out of 8 steps are messy, frustrating, and have you questioning your sanity. They are exactly the times when you will feel like giving up. But the truth is, if you give up in the middle of the process, you’re going to be in far worse shape than when you started!

The point is, if your business, life, or closet is messy right now, keep going or it’s going to just get worse. Here are some tips to keep you going through the chaos:

  1. When simplifying anything, don’t expect to go from zero to Zen in an hour.
  2. If it’s messy, know that you’re not doing things wrong, you’re just in midst of the natural process.
  3. When you feel like giving up, rest and refuel. Eat, nap, call a friend or coach.
  4. Know deep down that giving up will create greater chaos that you started with.
  5. Keep an eye on your goal.
  6. Acknowledge your successes, and reward yourself.

What will you simplify next? Want help? Go to www.SimpleIsTheNewBrilliant.com.

iPhone/Time Management

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The past few months have been all about managing time and energy. However, when I teach and write about time management, I imagine the sighs and eye rolls – “Yes, Mary, we’re all familiar with time management, thanks so much. Why don’t you teach about something exciting, like Social Media or SEO or multiple streams of income?”

What I know for certain is that if you haven’t mastered time management, the rest of the stuff isn’t going to matter much. I have two stories that illustrate my point.

A few months ago, I was on vacation at a beach at Arroyo Grande, CA. I parked across the street, threw my iPhone in my sweatshirt pocket so I could take some photos, and proceeded to jog across the street. Then I heard something crash to the pavement.

Yep, it was my iPhone. It had popped right out of my pocket onto the road, and the back glass shattered.

This is how we often treat our time. Carelessly. Mindlessly. And we are generally unhappy with the results.

In another iPhone-related story (with a happier ending)… Adam and I went to Flagstaff a few weeks back, and rode the ski lift to the top of the mountain, and back down again. The aspens were gorgeous, it was quiet, and the view was phenomenal. Obviously, I wanted to take pictures.

I was fifty feet off the ground, and my trusty iPhone/camera doesn’t have a wrist strap, so I was highly concerned about dropping it. But the view was simply too tempting. So I very deliberately took it out of my purse, took a few photos while handling the phone with extreme care, and then once again deliberately put it back in my purse. The results were beautiful photos and a totally intact iPhone.

See the difference? Careless vs. deliberate.

We toss away the idea of managing our time. Managing those tiny moments seems like too great a task, and not worth it. But the fact is that our lives are made out of those tiny moments, often overlooked and carelessly tossed aside. Ask yourself – what do your moments add up to? A haphazard existence or a fulfilling life created from conscious thought?

I’ve taught several time management classes recently. If you’d like the recordings, just email me and I’ll get you hooked up!

Vacation Discombobulation

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This week I was really not myself. A bit cranky, disorganized, and downright lazy. What happened? I had a blast on vacation (see photos). Wasn’t it supposed to energize me?

But it took me four days to get back into the swing of things. I’m convinced that in entrepreneur years those four days are actually a full month.

I’m on track now, and feeling so much more focused and clear about my priorities. Want to know what I did?

1. I judged myself. That’s right – beat myself up good.

2. I stopped judging myself. I remembered that I am a smart, hardworking person (and gosh darnit, people like me), and that I was allowed to have a few off days.

3. I identified the basics in my business, and took care of them. No need to pile on more guilt!

4. I picked up some positive reading materials. Even though I didn’t want to.

5. I recognized the opportunity. Before my vacation, I was getting bogged down in details and busy-ness of my business. Feeling unhappy after vacation made me realize I needed to refocus, review my priorities and goals, and recreate my plan for the rest of the year.

So today I am grateful for the discombobulation. I was so uncomfortable that I was forced to upgrade my plans, and recommit to my goals. As entrepreneurs, one of the best habits we can create is to look on our problems as opportunities.

If you’re having a hard time pulling your attitude out of your problems, please consider checking in with me to see how I can help.

Acts of Boldness

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“The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it is conformity.” – Rollo May

I would say the majority of the people I know would consider themselves non-conformists. Of course they do – they’re entrepreneurs for goodness sake!

But conformity isn’t limited to all dressing the same, or agreeing about politics, or working at a 9 to 5 job. Conformity can be a very sneaky thing, and it can slowly eat away at what makes you brilliant and beautiful.

So how does this subtle conformity show up? It’s often in action when you –

  • Don’t clearly ask for what you really want
  • Say yes to things that are unhealthy, stressful, or out of alignment with your vision
  • Soften a position you believe in
  • Lower your standards

This kind of conformity is all about trying to control other peoples’ reactions. And the bad news is that it not only keeps others from really knowing you, it also distances you from your true, authentic self.

I absolutely believe in diplomacy, don’t get me wrong. I’m not a fan of upsetting people for the sake of drama. That’s definitely not what I’m talking about here.

I’m talking about boldness in the face of possible controversy or disagreement. The willingness to take a stand for what you feel in your heart is right – everything from simple things like getting your order right at a restaurant to deeper issues like politics and human rights.

This can be a scary proposition, I know. But it’s also very freeing. I challenge you to pay attention to how conformity shows up in your life, and commit acts of boldness every day!

Where oh where has my energy gone?

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Article contributed by Laura Prevost, Certified Holistic Health and Life Coach.

Oh where oh where can it be? (*sung to the tune of where has my little dog gone*)

So you may be wondering, where is all of my energy? Where can it be? And, gosh darn it, how do I get it back?

Did you know that unhealthy stress & energy co-exist? Without one, you have the other. Yowzas! Which would you rather have? Unhealthy Stress? Or glorious, fabulous, mood boosting ENERGY? It’s YOUR choice!

You want ideas? Keep reading for ways you can leave your unhealthy stress behind & energize yourSELF. Yup, you’ve probably heard them before. Maybe there are some new ones but what it comes down to is this: you need to actually implement the different techniques in order to FEEL gloriously & fabulously ENERGIZED. So, after you’re done reading this I want you to pick TWO (yes TWO) that you’re going to implement immediately. TODAY. Change happens when YOU CHOOSE to make it happen.

Okay, enough of that. Here we go!

Let go of anything & EVERYTHING that no longer serves YOU.

Let go of physical stuff that no longer serves you. Let go of people (aka “FuN suckers”) who no longer serve you. Let go of guilt, shame, anger, bitterness….let go of anything & EVERYTHING. When you let go you’ll notice how FREE you feel. You’ll feel lighter. You’ll feel open to receiving ENERGY & FABULOSITY.

Do something that MOVES you.

Go for a walk. Shake your booty. Take a workout class. Go for a bike ride. It needs to be at least 10 minutes long. This movement helps your body re-energize. Feel like you don’t have enough energy for movement? Go for a walk. ANYONE can walk for 10 minutes no matter what the energy level.

Prioritize.

Stress is oftentimes existent because a person is feeling overwhelmed with a to-do list that never seems to end. It’s SO imperative that you prioritize. Look at your list & see what NEEDS to get done versus what you WANT to get done. AND – this is significant so listen up – ONLY put 10 things on your to-do list daily (this includes picking the kids up at school, vacuuming, taping your marketing video, etc.). You’ll be surprised at how quickly you learn to prioritize.

Take a break.

This doesn’t have to be incredibly long but it’s important to give yourself a break every single hour. It can be a minute where you get up and shake your booty. Jump around. Do a couple of sprints. Do a fast walk around your house or office building. Here’s the rule for this one: you must leave your computer & phone behind for your break.

Freak out.

Are you ready for some Freak out FuN? With this one you get to let it ALL out. Yup, I’m talkin’ ‘bout a Five Minute Freak Out. Oh yeah. You get to embrace ALL of your emotions – scream, shout, run around like a crazy person. I’d recommend doing this one with no one in the vicinity so that you can feel FREE to let it all out.

Eat energizing FOOD.

Sounds simple right? Try a green smoothie. This not only helps you up your leafy green intake BUT it also zests you up with yummilicious fruits. AND, you can add in some “extras” that will rock your world, like chia seeds & maca. Listen to your body – it KNOWS what it needs & wants to feel energized.

Get enough zzzzzzz.

Yeah, yeah, you’ve heard this one a million times…maybe even a gazillion times. BUT, have you ever noticed that when you’re overtired, everything seems, well, like overwhelming to the nth degree? Yup, that’s what I thought. When you get enough sleep you can DO & BE everything you need to DO & BE. Not only that – your mind is clear & focused to you can be efficient & effective with your 10 item to-do list.

Drink water.

It’s simple. It’s free. It’s yummy. Many times energy levels drop because of dehydration. There are many levels of dehydration & if you’re not aware you may not even know you’re lacking in the water department. Again, LISTEN to your body. Drink water – it’s a quick solution to ENERGIZE yourSELF.

Go play. Outside.

Get outside. Reconnect with nature. Realize that nature still trumps anything that is stressing you out. Playing can count as anything. Play in your garden. Skip. Play hopscotch. Hike. Walk. Just make sure you go OUTSIDE without your phone or computer or any other electronic gadget.

Be YOU.

It can be exhausting trying to be anyone other than your own self. Why would you want to anyways? Did you know that you’re the ONLY one who can be your BEST you? When you’re true to you & you embrace yourSELF you will feel ENERGIZED! A little aside on this one – when you’re trying to be someone you’re not – it can also be SUPER stressful because you’re always on “guard” to make sure you present the “correct” persona. Let go & BE yourSELF!

Which TWO have you picked for your first steps to lessen your unhealthy stress & up your ENERGY? Once those two are implemented as habit (this can take from 21 to over 200 days so only YOU know when this happens) add two more. You CAN be your BEST energized self!

Laura Prevost is a Certified Holistic Health & Life Coach with a BA in Human Behavior. Laura combines her past with her present to live a life of fabulosity & passion.
Laura works with women who are READY to discover their glorious happiness & health. She has the tools, desire & compassion to bring to light a life of fabulosity for anyone brave enough to embrace her best self. Laura is the owner of Head Over Heels In Health in Flagstaff, AZ where her zest for life bubbles over into her joy of the outdoors, family, friends & play.
You can begin your life of fabulosity TODAY by going to www.HeadOverHeelsInHealth.com & signing up to receive your FREE 7 Day Life In Balance Boot Camp.

The Art of No Assumptions

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Contributed by Dr. Marta Adelsman

In one of my workshops, I lead participants through an exercise in which they talk briefly with a partner about their morning routine. However, both partners speak at the same time. At the end of the exercise, no one can report hearing more than a word or two of what their partner said.

The exercise illustrates how, during most conversations, the assumptions and opinions we hold in our minds prevent us from truly hearing each other. We make stuff up about the meaning and motivations of others, and these act like loud noise in the brain.

Believing that our assumptions are true can set up all kinds of relational drama and confusion. For instance, you might hold the opinion that someone meant to criticize you, so you begin to formulate a defensive response. Maybe you assume that the person in front of you is uninteresting and has nothing important to say, so you begin to plan your weekend activities.

In these instances, your assumptions disrupt true conversation by having you stop listening. They may lead to misunderstandings in which anger, defensiveness, fear and anxiety arise. They provide the ego with opportunities to make judgments or to feel like a victim. Harsh words may fly, which can then lead to more made-up stuff. You can see how making assumptions leads to personal suffering.

The good news is that there’s a way out. It starts with becoming suspicious of all of your assumptions. Next, begin to check out whether or not your assumed opinions are true. “I’m making up that you meant to criticize me when you said that. Is that true? Am I reading it right?” Hearing it from their own lips is the only way you know what others really mean.

If someone accuses you of being negligent, rather than becoming defensive, ask, “What’s your definition of the word ‘negligent?’” Have the courage to ask for clarification. Keep asking questions until you know you have absolute clarity about what the other person meant. Clarify, and then clarify some more.

This practice opens you to true listening. Others will feel grateful, because they will feel heard. You will decrease the drama and upsets in your conversations. Your relationships will become more satisfying.

Isn’t the extra effort required to practice this new skill worth it?

Dr. Marta Adelsman has a doctorate in Psychology and is also a Life Coach. She specializes in the area of listening and communication, as well as spiritual consciousness. She leads workshops and coaching sessions for couples, individuals and groups, supporting them to have relationships that are free from drama and upset. For more information about upcoming workshops, click here to contact Marta.