Mindset

But What About the Sand?

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I’ve been a bit tense lately. Four events in two weeks, and working on a training program to launch speed networking nationally at the beginning of next year. A lot of what I’m working on amounts to invention – brand new stuff that I have no experience with.

I said to my husband Adam, “I feel like I’m about to jump off a cliff”.

To which he responded, “Throw down some sand.”

Thrown by the seeming non-sequitur, I articulately replied, “Huh?”

“Like in Indiana Jones,” he said. “When he sees that great gaping chasm and then steps off to find it was an optical illusion, and a path was there all along. Throw down some sand and you’ll see it’s not a cliff at all.”

As you can imagine, that stopped me in my tracks.

I love this mental picture, but am struggling a bit to complete it.

If the chasm is my fear of the unknown, and the path that is the optical illusion represents the unseen solutions that are available to me, but what about the sand? What does the sand represent?

I’d love to hear your ideas!

What’s the big deal about little wins?

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This week I was chatting with a friend, and I asked him how his business was faring. He said that he’s very excited, because he’s going to hit his goal of making six figures this year. I, of course, enthusiastically congratulated him.

He then mentioned that when he shared the same news with our business coach, she suggested that he now add a zero to that income. She’s always encouraging us to stretch our vision beyond our comfort zone!

But my first thought was, “Good grief, shouldn’t he celebrate the win? Six figures is nothing to sneeze at!”

And then I had to laugh at myself, because I RARELY celebrate my own wins. I’m more like my coach – show me the next challenge! But there is a very good reason why we MUST identify and acknowledge our accomplishments.

In her book, “Wander Woman,” Marcia Reynolds, an organizational psychologist, encourages the concept of Appreciative Dialogue. In the book she goes into delicious detail about how the brain physically works, and how to make lasting shifts. But in a nutshell, Appreciative Dialogue is consistently identifying and acknowledging what you’re doing right (as opposed to dwelling on falling short). When you do this, your brain adapts to integrate the lessons you’ve learned, changes occur more quickly, and are longer lasting. (great book, by the way!)

I incorporated this habit a few weeks back. I’m not perfect at it, but it has made each day a little more fun, and I’ve been more motivated. It’s like getting a gold star at the end of the day – a gold star for my mind!

I encourage you to incorporate acknowledging your wins on a daily basis. Maybe you picked up the phone and fired a client. Maybe you finally completed a book, or started a newsletter, or hired an assistant.

My win? Rain or shine, in sickness or on vacation, I’ve sent out my eZine once a week, every week of 2011.

Acknowledge your own wins here on my blog, and we’ll be sure to give you lots of appreciation and encouragement!

Banging Your Head Against the Wall

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We all know the analogy of banging your head against the wall, and how good it feels when you stop, right? In that same vein, over the past several years, I noticed that right before I experience a great big a-ha moment, I had days, weeks, or even months of head-banging frustration. Wanting to get things to move and change right now right now right now!

Not that I’m impatient or anything.

Oh, and did I forget to mention that I would never remember this pattern in the midst of the frustration? Only in hindsight. Which is ever so helpful. NOT.

The other day I was in the place where most of my insights come up (the shower), and I started feeling that familiar tension… I was stressed, with no real reason to be, and just wanted everything to be sorted and solved right now right now right now. My mind started to do laps around the things I was worried about, and then something new and different happened.

I said to myself, “Wait! I remember this feeling. I don’t have to freak out, this just means change is coming. And if I recall correctly, things always work out in perfect time. I can relax.” Weird, right? But it gets weirder.

I took a deep breath, and WHOOSH! A great solution to my problems flooded into my mind. I was so stunned that I actually had to put out a hand and steady myself against the tile.

Side note – one day earlier, I was in a yoga class and at the end, we were supposed to breathe out something we’d like to release. What came to mind for me was “worry”.

Can’t say I fully understand what happened, but it looks like the universe is conspiring to help me every step of the way yet again!

Hmmm… was that an over-share?

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As you may have noticed, the themes of my last few articles have been a bit scattered. Pondering my sanity, dealing with overwhelm and the like. You may be asking yourself, “Mary, why do you over-share all the crazy stuff you think about? Don’t you want to be seen as some kind of stable, sane expert?”

Before you start questioning your own sanity for actually reading my crazy articles, I thought it best to let you know why I intentionally choose to be blissfully transparent.

Many years ago, I started my own business, and found that entrepreneurship required personal growth. As I started down the road of self-improvement, I took note of all of the incredibly successful teachers, and I made some very destructive assumptions.

I assumed they were all constantly happy, health-nut, marathon-running millionaires. In short, I assumed that they never had a bad day.

Why was this assumption so destructive?

Because if I ever had a bad day, or ate a doughnut, or experienced failure, or – God forbid – was simply lazy for a day, I thought that it meant that I would never succeed. It sounds totally crazy, I know.

Then one day, I listened to a lecture given by a wildly successful man, Brian Buffini. While recounting a story, he casually mentioned that a few weeks ago he had had a really bad day.

WHAT?! It was like a light went on for me – “You mean you can have bad days and still be successful?”

I wish I could say that I was more sophisticated when I started my own business, but the fact is that until that moment, I hadn’t even realized that I’d made those assumptions. But they affected me subconsciously every single day.

I am so thankful to Brian Buffini for his transparence. And my hope is that my own style of blissful transparence – about both my successes and my crazy days – will help others have the critical “a-ha” moment they need.

Pondering My Sanity

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I had to make some tough decisions recently about my Speed Networking Event. I was a stress case – literally going through crying jags and paralyzing fear for weeks.

Flash forward to today, when I’m calmly rolling out the new guidelines for event coordinators and event fees, and the unbidden thought ran through my head, “This is so simple and straightforward.”

WHAT?! Weeks of stress and now my natural state is to think that the changes I lost sleep over are most obvious and natural thing in the world? I started to wonder if I’m actually a crazy person barely passing as sane.

In the midst of pondering my sanity, I listened to a teleclass by Lisa Sasevich, where she introduced the idea of creating internal tension (but never external pressure) to get people to move forward. Her concepts pertained to sales, but I instantly understood how it could help me personally. They distinguished the difference between internal tension and external pressure (stress).

Now the challenge is distinguishing the difference in the moment. Acknowledging that tension is an indicator of growth. That tension arises when there is a conflict between old ideas and new, past habits and future possibilities. That tension arises from searching for change, and being on the cusp of finding it.

And stress? I’m a little less certain of how to identify it in the moment. I know it has more to do with external forces than internal. More with outside fears that internal expansion. But noticing it in the moment? That I’m unsure of.

For now, I guess the best bet is to pause, take a deep breath, pay attention to what is happening in my mind, and hope the answer filters into my consciousness.

What are your thoughts?

Don’t Slow Down Before the Finish Line!

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Something strange just happened. I got up early, ignored my email and got right to work on my very full to-do list. I had a good idea of which tasks I could accomplish before my 9am appointment. After an hour or so, I was well on my way to completing my whole list before the nice o’clock deadline. Then I glanced at my schedule and realized that my first appointment was at 10am, not 9am! I found an unexpected HOUR in my day – how often does that happen? But here’s where it gets weird.

I started to slow down. Understand that I had been working at a steady pace, getting things done, not feeling panicky or anything. But once I saw that I basically gained an hour, instead of moving forward at the same pace, I started to dawdle, check my email and look at a few web sites.

And I realized, this isn’t just about how I’m treating this extra hour today, this is a pattern in my life. When I see that a goal is “in the bag”, so to speak, I throttle back, instead of continuing at a consistent pace. It is the equivalent of being 20 yards ahead of everyone in a 100-yard dash, then five feet from the finish line making the decision to walk.

There’s nothing terribly wrong with this, but there’s something not quite right about it either. Something about not wanting to get too far ahead of everyone else? Fear of success?

Can anyone relate? Have any insights? Please share!