Archives for February 2012

When Success Gets Personal

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Did you know that 87% of statistics are made up on the spot? With that disclaimer out of the way, I shall proceed…

A friend of mine teaches classes at a massage school. She’s been teaching classes for years and years, and recently got one poor evaluation from one student. She was NOT a happy camper.

And I could relate, because the more people I meet, and the more events I do, the more feedback I get – both positive and negative. The negative always seems more powerful.

With the hopes of providing a little perspective, I shared with her a statistic I made up to help me deal with some of the negativity. It goes like this: if you are doing your work with integrity –

  • 5% of all people are going to not like you – that’s just the way it goes.
  • When you know 100 people, that percentage equals 5 people. When you have access to 1000 people, that’s 50 people. When you get exposure to 2000 people, that’s 100 people.
  • Realize that even though the number changes, the percentage doesn’t, and accept it.

So as you are succeeding, expanding your reach, and increasing your exposure – more people will not like you. It’s a fact. But remember…

  • For every 5 who don’t like you, 95 appreciate you. Listen to them instead.
  • People who aim low, and have few successes have very few critics, because no one has ever heard of them.
  • Critics can be our best teachers. Remember not to cast them in the role of the villain: learn what you can from them, treat them with respect, and let them go.

Even though my statistic is 96.7% fictional, I hope you get my point!

Blinded by Focus

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A couple months ago, I ran into a grocery store to quickly pick up a bottle of water. I was in a hurry, so I sped around, scanning the items on the signs in each aisle for water. No dice.

Frustrated, I did another lap around the store and still, no water.

Exasperated, I finally slowed down and found a directory. It indicated that the water was on aisle 10. I headed over to 10, looked up at the aisle ten items list, and STILL didn’t see water listed on the sign. At that point, I started thinking I was crazy, so I looked again, and there it was – “Bottled Water”.

WOW. Another grocery store revelation.

I walked by exactly what I wanted time and time again, because I was so focused on what I thought SHOULD be there, that I literally became blind to what was actually there.

A parallel can be struck with goals – be clear about what you want, and pay attention for it showing up in a different form than expected. Or to be in the present moment so that you don’t become blind to opportunities.

Have you experienced this? Or maybe you see another parallel? I’d love to hear about it!

Recognize!

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Last week I after proudly announcing that I had gone national with my networking event, my husband said to me, “No you didn’t.” Huh?

He said, “You went national LAST year when you did your event in Kalamazoo, Michigan.”

Forehead slap! How could I have forgotten that?

The answer is simple – I’m an entrepreneur. I’m always looking at what is next. How can I grow? How can I go further? Recreate? Help more people?

And in the process, I forget to acknowledge what I’ve accomplished. Forget completely.

My high-achieving friends are probably shrugging their shoulders right now and saying to themselves, “Yeah? So what? You can’t rest on your laurels and recount yesterday’s tales of glory.”

To them I say, well, yes… and no.

Recently I heard an internationally renowned psychologist speak about the importance of acknowledging our accomplishments. Broadly paraphrasing here, here is the gist of what she said:

If you are focused on making changes in your life you MUST continuously acknowledge your accomplishments. The make-up of your brain needs this positive reinforcement in order to change the physical connections that contribute to lasting change. Lack of acknowledgement gives your brain the message, “Yeah, I know I did some good things today, but they aren’t that great (and not important enough to retain).” And it stays stuck in the same patterns, with the same connections, and the same outcomes.

So today – recognize yourself! On my blog right here acknowledge what you’re doing right, give yourself a pat on the back, and brag on yourself a little. Your brain will thank you!

Avoiding the Verbal Card Toss

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I was talking recently to a new business acquaintance, Tracy Karbus, about (what else?) networking. She mentioned how she hated going to events where everyone just threw their business cards at each other and there was no real connecting.

Then she asked, “What do you think you should do for a 30-second elevator speech?”

And I cringed. I know, I know – it’s an accepted “fact” of business that you have to have this pithy, enticing quick introduction ready at all times. But I really can’t stand it.

But as I write this, I realize that my distaste is not for the quick introduction itself, but rather that it’s become this one-size fits all verbal equivalent of throwing your business card at someone. No connection, just a pitch.

Here is an example of what the elevator speech has become:

“Hi, I’m Mary Cravets and I am the Speed Networking Maven. I show entrepreneurs how to rocket themselves to the center of their community and network like rockstars. Do you know anyone who wants more business, more exposure and more money?”

Ick. Gimmicky, over the top, and immediately imposing on the other person – a complete stranger – to bring you business. I might as well have just said, “Me, me, me, and oh, yeah, what do you think about me?” Whenever someone asks me a leading question like the one above, I immediately get queasy.

Here is an example of what it could be:

“Hi, I’m Mary Cravets and I teach people how to run networking events that put them center stage in their business community. I heard you mention that you are a lawyer, what is your specialty?”

Do you see the difference? The first approach uses force to push my agenda into a stranger’s face. Not at all appealing, and unlikely to lead to a long-term professional association.

The second approach allows the person room to share, and become curious about me. It lets THEM decide if and when to ask about my business.

And to answer your next question, yes, sometimes people will not get around to asking about you. Keep in mind, most of us have been trained to talk rather than to listen, so be patient with people. If the person you’re talking to doesn’t ask about you, you can either let it go, and get around to your business some other time, or you can segue to your business by saying something like, “I’ll definitely keep you in mind for referrals. Would you mind if I shared what kind of referrals would help my business?”

They will ALWAYS say yes!

No Matter How Good it Is…

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I recently discovered a very sneaky saboteur in my mind.

I was putting together a coaching program and kept tweaking and tweaking and tweaking it, the whole time thinking, “How can I make it so that EVERYONE will want this?” So I kept improving, adding things, adjusting the price, the timing, the deliverables. And then it hit me…

No matter how good a program is, it will NEVER be something that EVERYONE will want. EVER.

Now why is this SUCH a good thing to realize? Because if I’m aiming for a target that I will NEVER hit, I’m setting myself up for failure. It is paralyzing, and it reminds me of a Bill Cosby quote:

“I don’t know the key to success, but I know that the key to failure is trying to please everyone.”

So how do you stay out of that analysis paralysis? Here are a few things I’m doing:

  1. Define your ideal client, and create your business to serve them.
  2. If someone says “That’s too expensive,” you either are not explaining the value correctly, or this is just one of the “no’s” you have to go through to get to your “yes’s”!
  3. Work on expressing your value by making your offer to A LOT of people.
  4. Focus on the service you’re giving, not the money you need to get out of others.
  5. Blog about it.

We all want to be of service. We all create value for others. The key is to offer that value to others. If you’re not doing that, then you are actually not being of service at all.