Mary Cravets

When You Need a Complete Perspective Shift

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I’ve been going through some pretty intense growing pains. In business, even though growth is the goal, the “pain” of it is very real.

I was expressing my frustrations and asking for support from my entrepreneur friends, and one of them sent me the video I’m sharing here.

It shook me out of my aggravation and provided a COMPLETE perspective shift.

I hope you enjoy it too!

Cures for comparison-itis

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Comparisonitis: a condition of despairing attitude that arises when comparing yourself to others.

This came recently in my private Facebook group for clients, and the discussion that followed was so valuable, I just had to share it with you! (Imagine this dialogue as a thread on Facebook!)

MSD: Suffering from comparison-it is this week. I have met several awesome women who don’t have a website, marketing, or something else that seems important and just rolling in with business. Ugh.Top of Form

ME: Oh yes, we’ve all had that disorder.

You never know what people are doing, going through, have done in the past to create their success.

You also absolutely positively cannot tell

who is succeeding by what they are saying or what you are seeing. Trust me, I’ve had people who are total rock stars approach me to work with them and it was shocking to me to hear what was REALLY going on.

Bottom line is you’re comparing their outside “success” to how you feel on the inside.

Bless them, release them, and go create a referral partnership!

CRM: Yup…or when their entire business is referral driven and they say they don’t have to market.

JBH: When I get in that mode – I ask myself how does my activity list compare to last week? I try to turn it around to compete with myself!

ME: love this!!!

KM: Good tip!

MSD: Thanks y’all!! Truly appreciate this group.

ME: can I use this for a blog?

MSD: Yes

KM: I can relate! I had a slow late Feb – early March and was definitely suffering from this as well. And then that week, here’s what popped into my LinkedIn feed (I’m connected to the author of the post) https://beleaderly.com/stop-comparing-yourself-to-others/

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others – Be Leaderly

DPM: Stay in your lane! Run your own race! XOXO!

PR: Just had a discussion after a luncheon last week wih another attendee..both have worked with or know about one of the largest winery wine clubs in the country..in our area. They refuse to do most digital marketing..took forever for them to finally have a shopping cart on their website..they prefer phone call center..we lamented about all the possible lost opportunity cost from them NOT doing what everyone else is doing..but in spite of that they still manage to have 35K club members and visitors streaming in from open to close! I KNOW they could be doing more..but they do what they do and it works. I wish it was THAT easy…but you just never know. That story seemed to fit this topic!

I am NOT doing this again.

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It isn’t pretty, but I’ve repeated a pattern of sabotage twice a year for as long as I’ve been in business

  1. I consistently work on my business.
  2. I get prospect appointments.
  3. I close clients and stay consistent.
  4. I get MORE prospect appointments. My schedule gets really full.
  5. I start to freak a little, and my mind races, “What if this goes on forever? I’m never going to have any free time. What if things start falling through the cracks? I don’t want to be this busy forever!”
  6. Prospect appointments start to cancel, postpone or no-show. My closing ratio goes down.
  7. I start to panic that I’m not going to have enough business, and start over at 1.

In January, I noticed it kicking in and all I could think was, “Oh hell no. I am not doing this again.”

I started talking about the pattern to friends, but not as something I was suffering with, but as something I was calling a stop to. Something I was seeking the resolution to.

I called a friend and through our conversation, I recalled a situation where I had experienced the same feelings of panic but was able to resolve them very quickly.

Many years ago, I worked in a staffing office and a temporary employee came into the office, furious because there was an error in his paycheck. The guy was HUGE. We stood face to face, about 3 feet apart, and he started to raise his voice and lean in, using his size to intimidate me.

I WAS intimidated, but then a crystal clear, perfectly calm part of me knew exactly what to do. I lowered my voice and took a half step toward him. This completely disarmed him, and we were able to calmly create a solution.

This is exactly how my sabotaging pattern felt: looming, scary, intimidating. And for years I cowered when faced with it.

Armed with this knowledge, I set aside some quiet time. I visualized my pattern of sabotage as this looming man, allowed myself to deeply feel the fear. Then stepping forward with kindness and calm, I felt the pattern dissolve.

Since then? Consistent prospects. Consistent opportunities. Busy? Yes, but also able to make good decisions about how to clear my plate.

I encourage you to notice your patterns, then take a brave step forward, look them in the eye and calmly say, “Oh hell no. I am not doing this again.”

My Word for 2019 (what’s yours?)

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My word for the year is Standards.

Sounds a bit dry, but it helps you avoid making regrettable decisions, raises your self-esteem, and allows you to model strong boundaries for others: all things that can create a more prosperous business and greater peace of mind.

I dive deeper in this recent Facebook Live.

What’s your word of the year and why?

 

Find Your Word for the Year

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One word to set the tone for an ENTIRE year? Uh… no pressure or anything!

Here are three tips to find that sets your focus and foundation of success in 2019:

1. Take the pressure off. My friend and rock star sales trainer, Jane Garee says, “I pick a word twice. Once at the beginning of January, and then again at the end of January.” I’m going to try this. My current word is Exuberance, but I feel that it’s a pretty high bar to maintain for the whole year. It might mellow to Clarity or Ease or Appreciation by the end of the month.

2. Online “word picker” quiz. Thanks to client Camille McKinney of Leveraged Leaders for this one. Take this short fun quiz to find your perfect word: https://www.myintent.org/pages/whatsyourwordquiz?

3. Get inspiration from others. Check out word suggestions from my Facebook pals on this thread.

Post your word in the comments, and have an amazing (possibly exuberant?!) 2019!

Increase Your Energy: Decisively Delete and Delay

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Wading through a client’s massive list of ideas, concerns, strategies and more for the New Year, I was struck by the thought: “Dude – you’ve got to burn some of these bridges!”

My client is a successful trainer, and a corporate escapee. He has a laundry list a mile long of things he thinks he should add, change, explore and develop in his business. 52 items in total!

Carrying around this swirling mass of ideas about what he could do, could massively limit his ability to actually get things done.

How did we boil down the list so he felt more focused and confident about reaching his goals?

  1. I pulled everything off the list that I could answer quickly, as his mentor. Simple answers like “yes”, “no”, “2nd quarter”, whatever. Just cleared it off the plate.
  2. I asked him: what are three things that worked best this year? This gave us a starting foundation to build on BEFORE we started entertaining the new, the novel and the downright distracting.
  3. I separated the rest of the list into program development, marketing and processes. We evaluated each on ease of implementation, alignment with his goals, profitability, and capacity. This clarified his priorities.
  4. The priorities were broken down into a specific action plan for the first quarter. It’s a thing of beauty, if I do say so myself ;-).
  5. The last step was to decisively delete or delay the rest of the list. The rest of the items on the list will be ignored until our next evaluation before the second quarter. This one big decision freed up his energy to focus on what is most profitable.

Items #1-4 are all about identifying the best way to get into action. I’m a big fan of taking action.

But #5, being decisive about what NOT to do… that is how you create the space and the energy to actually get things done.
I wish you space and energy and much success in the New Year.