Stress and Overwhelm

Banging Your Head Against the Wall

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We all know the analogy of banging your head against the wall, and how good it feels when you stop, right? In that same vein, over the past several years, I noticed that right before I experience a great big a-ha moment, I had days, weeks, or even months of head-banging frustration. Wanting to get things to move and change right now right now right now!

Not that I’m impatient or anything.

Oh, and did I forget to mention that I would never remember this pattern in the midst of the frustration? Only in hindsight. Which is ever so helpful. NOT.

The other day I was in the place where most of my insights come up (the shower), and I started feeling that familiar tension… I was stressed, with no real reason to be, and just wanted everything to be sorted and solved right now right now right now. My mind started to do laps around the things I was worried about, and then something new and different happened.

I said to myself, “Wait! I remember this feeling. I don’t have to freak out, this just means change is coming. And if I recall correctly, things always work out in perfect time. I can relax.” Weird, right? But it gets weirder.

I took a deep breath, and WHOOSH! A great solution to my problems flooded into my mind. I was so stunned that I actually had to put out a hand and steady myself against the tile.

Side note – one day earlier, I was in a yoga class and at the end, we were supposed to breathe out something we’d like to release. What came to mind for me was “worry”.

Can’t say I fully understand what happened, but it looks like the universe is conspiring to help me every step of the way yet again!

Pondering My Sanity

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I had to make some tough decisions recently about my Speed Networking Event. I was a stress case – literally going through crying jags and paralyzing fear for weeks.

Flash forward to today, when I’m calmly rolling out the new guidelines for event coordinators and event fees, and the unbidden thought ran through my head, “This is so simple and straightforward.”

WHAT?! Weeks of stress and now my natural state is to think that the changes I lost sleep over are most obvious and natural thing in the world? I started to wonder if I’m actually a crazy person barely passing as sane.

In the midst of pondering my sanity, I listened to a teleclass by Lisa Sasevich, where she introduced the idea of creating internal tension (but never external pressure) to get people to move forward. Her concepts pertained to sales, but I instantly understood how it could help me personally. They distinguished the difference between internal tension and external pressure (stress).

Now the challenge is distinguishing the difference in the moment. Acknowledging that tension is an indicator of growth. That tension arises when there is a conflict between old ideas and new, past habits and future possibilities. That tension arises from searching for change, and being on the cusp of finding it.

And stress? I’m a little less certain of how to identify it in the moment. I know it has more to do with external forces than internal. More with outside fears that internal expansion. But noticing it in the moment? That I’m unsure of.

For now, I guess the best bet is to pause, take a deep breath, pay attention to what is happening in my mind, and hope the answer filters into my consciousness.

What are your thoughts?

Drift Happens

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I have this insatiable need to feel like I’m making progress. If I can’t check things off my list, or see evidence that my business is moving forward in some way, I start to feel antsy.

The other day I was working, and nothing seemed to be going my way. I kept pushing and pushing, craving that outward proof of progress. In the back of my mind, I KNEW I needed to step back do some strategizing, but instead I kept busy.

Then it occurred to me that if I didn’t step back and evaluate – momentarily give up my obsession with “progress” – I might be drifting away from my goals.

Whoa… so it’s possible to be working your pants off, and be progressing toward… nothing? Keeping blindly busy might actually make my job harder in the long run? Yikes. If that isn’t an idea that will get you to write some goals occasionally, I don’t know what will!

Drift happens, it’s inevitable. It just needs to be managed. It’s pretty simple to get back on track if you drift off course for a few days, or even a few weeks. Being off course for a few months can result in a business having to close its doors.

I can give you a real-life example of drift from an initial appointment with a new coaching client. She asked me, “From what you’ve learned about me, how often do you think we should meet?”

In response, I asked, “How likely is it that you’ll drift off course while establishing the new habits we wrote down today?”

She snorted, and mumbled something about how all she does is drift. I assured her that this is very common, and we set up a regular schedule to touch base so that she never drifts far off track.

Understand that, like most entrepreneurs, my client is a very motivated person. She works hard and takes great care of her clients. The problem is that while she’s got her head down working, months can go by before she looks up to take stock of where she is.

In business, we consistently have to look up from our laptops and ask ourselves questions like “Is this working?” “Is there a better way to do this?” “Am I moving towards my goals or am I just busy?”

To manage drift, the most important thing to do is to build periodic reviews into your schedule. On a consistent basis, work with an accountability partner, work with a business expert–  just be sure to work with someone to help you stay on track. Do this, stay on track, and believe it or not, you’ll reach your goals faster

What a concept – slow down  and make more progress? Sounds good to me!

Confession Time

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I found a new solution to stress – confession. The particular stress I experienced this week was made up of equal parts frenzy, pretending everything was ok, and confusion.

You see, I have this project I’m working on, and if it doesn’t go well,  I won’t be able to fulfill obligations I made to some colleagues. A terrible feeling.

So I’ve been running around like a crazy person saying “It’s ok! No worries!” When in fact, things were not really ok, and I was really worried.

What did I do? I confessed. I laid out the situation to my colleagues, and let them know that I would understand if they wanted to bow out of their commitment.

In an instant, 95% of my stress was gone. Of course, it got me thinking… what happened, exactly?

I think my stress was caused by getting further and further out of alignment with my integrity. By simply telling the truth, I snapped back into alignment. Right away, new ideas flowed in and I felt my energy return.

What was the most important element of this confession process? When I acknowledged the problem, and confessed it to myself.

Here are some ways to know when it might be time to ‘fess up:

  • When you’re telling yourself “I’m doing everything I can!” Are you really? Or are you perhaps keeping yourself overly busy to avoid doing the things that scare you?
  • When you keep doing things that don’t work. Doing more of what doesn’t work, doesn’t make it work. Confess, give it up, and new ideas are given the opportunity to flow in.
  • When you’re saying “I know. I know. I know.” – but you really don’t know. Try saying, “I don’t know. I need help.” Or “I need to learn.” There is SO much power in this confession!

How do you know when a confession has worked? From the instant sense of ease and humility you get. Like you don’t have to pretend anymore, and it becomes easy to move forward.

Do Less Meaningless Work

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Date of original publication: July 8, 2010

“Doing less meaningless work, so that you can focus on things of greater personal importance, is NOT laziness. This is hard for most people to accept, because our culture tends to reward personal sacrifice instead of personal productivity.”

–  Timothy Ferriss, author of The Four Hour Workweek

I’ll admit it, I’m brainwashed. Even though I’m an entrepreneur, I have this clinging notion that I need to be at a desk for 8 hours a day. My husband (a real estate agent) and I both struggle with creating the discipline to stop working 8 hours a day when we don’t have 8 hours of work – meaningful work – to do.

Recently, The World Cup helped our learning curve.

Adam is a soccer fan. With the games being held in South Africa, the only games he could watch were first thing in the morning and around noon. His routine was to get up, get ready for work, watch a game, and then zip to the office. There, he spent his morning focused and efficient, knowing he needed to have certain things done so he could knock off for a 2-3 hour lunch break. What was left to do after the game was often minimal, and he occasionally came home early.

I thought, “Like Adam, I always get things done in the least amount of time possible when I have something I am REALLY looking forward to.”

The sad state of things is that I haven’t created much in my life that I look forward to enough to motivate me to wrap up my workday.

And to me that IS sad. I’m supposedly creating a life of entrepreneurial freedom, but most days I poke around in front of the computer, dithering away time, often hours beyond my productive work time.

This was a powerful lesson for me, and I made a commitment to make a change. Right away I put yoga, gym time and recreational classes into my calendar.

My commitment was immediately tested. Right on the heels of learning this lesson, a whirlwind of work swept through my office. My days are now packed with 8+ hours per day of productive work. Fitting in the fun stuff feels strangely difficult, but I have to keep in mind that creating new habits – fun or not – is always uncomfortable.

Even as I’m writing this article, my heart is pounding, because in 28 minutes, I have someone coming over to teach me a little about cooking – and it will take all afternoon. The dishes aren’t done. The chicken isn’t defrosted. My desk is a mess.

But I can’t afford NOT to do things differently. I can’t put it off until next year, or even next week. You see, I know several smart, driven business people whose health is suffering in extreme ways, in part because of their constant focus on work. I have to seriously ask myself, “Is that the quality of life I want? I can either have it or avoid it, the choice is mine, but I must choose now.”

So…I’m off to cook.

How to Get Committed

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I’ll admit it, I got a bit grumpy this week. I was fretting over a big project that will keep me on the road a lot over the next week, plus the demands of seeing my regular clients, writing blogs, creating a new program, etc. I started to get paralyzed by it all, when a new thought popped into my head…

“How committed am I to feeling this way?”

Hm… hadn’t thought of it that way before. Strangely, the question made me smile. Who intentionally commits to something like a lousy attitude? The heavy stress that was starting to take over was instantly lifted, although I’m not exactly sure why.

Maybe a little humor simply helped me refocus on what I wanted to accomplish, rather dwelling on the obstacles.

Maybe the question reminded me of the things I AM committed to – loving my family, serving others, enjoying life. Powerful things that, when compared with how I was feeling, made the idea of committing to a bad attitude seem ludicrous.

Maybe it’s because I moved from the “I am stress” perspective, to the “I have stress.” Things that you ARE, can’t be easily removed. Things that you HAVE, can be gotten rid of with a simple decision.

Whatever the reason, the shift was significant and immediate. It was like getting a deep breath of fresh air after being in a stuffy, smoke-filled room. Aaahhh… that’s better!