Mary Cravets

Gersberms!

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WARNING: This is likely the silliest, most ridiculous article I’ve ever written. My eyes are already watering with tears of anticipation. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Something really weird is on the internet right now. It’s a series of pictures that people are posting with really odd captions that – at first glance – don’t make any sense at all.

The translation? “Goosebumps. My favorite books.”

When my sister shared this with me I was at a total loss. Okaayyy… They can’t spell? I don’t get it.

And yet, after looking at it a few times, I got the giggles. Then I started randomly saying “Gersberms” to people and laughing hysterically. Even now, alone in my office, I’m giggling. Too weird. No rhyme or reason.

I was hooked, so I did a little research, and as far as I could gather, this strange trend came from someone who was recalling what it was like to wear a retainer, or to have just recently had orthodontic braces tightened. How it gave you a bit of a lisp, and you felt like if you just kept your jaw clenched, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so bad. The captions reflect this lisp-y, jaw-clenched pronunciation that many of us went through as adolescents.

Much to my delight, my sister provided me with two more examples of this trend. I decided that I absolutely MUST find an excuse to include them in this article.

               

So I thought long and hard, trying to think of life lessons that would align with these pictures. Here’s the best I came up with…

I had braces when I was young, and it was a necessary, but unpleasant experience. We have these experiences in life from time to time – having to fire someone, having to take on a less than ideal client, etc. But in the end, these experiences give us better alignment with what we really want, and, if nothing else, give us amusing horror stories to tell at cocktail parties.

Not my best work on the serious side of things, but ehrmahgerd! I still can’t stop laughing!

The Art of No Assumptions

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Contributed by Dr. Marta Adelsman

In one of my workshops, I lead participants through an exercise in which they talk briefly with a partner about their morning routine. However, both partners speak at the same time. At the end of the exercise, no one can report hearing more than a word or two of what their partner said.

The exercise illustrates how, during most conversations, the assumptions and opinions we hold in our minds prevent us from truly hearing each other. We make stuff up about the meaning and motivations of others, and these act like loud noise in the brain.

Believing that our assumptions are true can set up all kinds of relational drama and confusion. For instance, you might hold the opinion that someone meant to criticize you, so you begin to formulate a defensive response. Maybe you assume that the person in front of you is uninteresting and has nothing important to say, so you begin to plan your weekend activities.

In these instances, your assumptions disrupt true conversation by having you stop listening. They may lead to misunderstandings in which anger, defensiveness, fear and anxiety arise. They provide the ego with opportunities to make judgments or to feel like a victim. Harsh words may fly, which can then lead to more made-up stuff. You can see how making assumptions leads to personal suffering.

The good news is that there’s a way out. It starts with becoming suspicious of all of your assumptions. Next, begin to check out whether or not your assumed opinions are true. “I’m making up that you meant to criticize me when you said that. Is that true? Am I reading it right?” Hearing it from their own lips is the only way you know what others really mean.

If someone accuses you of being negligent, rather than becoming defensive, ask, “What’s your definition of the word ‘negligent?’” Have the courage to ask for clarification. Keep asking questions until you know you have absolute clarity about what the other person meant. Clarify, and then clarify some more.

This practice opens you to true listening. Others will feel grateful, because they will feel heard. You will decrease the drama and upsets in your conversations. Your relationships will become more satisfying.

Isn’t the extra effort required to practice this new skill worth it?

Dr. Marta Adelsman has a doctorate in Psychology and is also a Life Coach. She specializes in the area of listening and communication, as well as spiritual consciousness. She leads workshops and coaching sessions for couples, individuals and groups, supporting them to have relationships that are free from drama and upset. For more information about upcoming workshops, click here to contact Marta.

Cotton Candy Inspiration

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Last night and this morning I had terrible writers block. So I decided to include a video today instead of an article. Something funny, you know. Something to help us all lighten up a little.

Then I came across this video and it knocked my socks off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYsT5TiJsIU?rel=0&w=325&h=183

I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of anything duller than being a cotton candy vendor. Repetitive, boring, sticky. Yuck. And yet this guy makes it fun, joyous and creative. He found a way to turn the mundane job of making cotton candy into a vehicle for self-expression.

I am in awe of the fact that this guy is just doing his thing with joy and generosity, and now it’s had an impact on the life of a complete stranger. Technology and authenticity – a powerful combination!

Do You Know What Time it is?

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About 15 years ago, I got it in my head that I needed a new watch. I knew EXACTLY what I wanted. It needed to be silver and gold, so that it matched everything. It needed to have numbers around the dial, rather than just tic marks. It needed to have the date. So I started shopping.

I window-shopped. I went to malls. I went to jewelry stores. If I’d known how to shop online back then, I would have done that. Every chance I got, I was looking for this perfect watch. I kept looking and looking and looking. I searched for two years.

TWO YEARS?! Ok, just writing about it makes me shudder to think of the time I spent (wasted) on shopping for a watch. Want to know what brought an end to the madness? I’ll tell you.

I was in a department store, in the watch section, of course, and I saw a Mickey Mouse watch. The face was gold and silver, and I laughed. Something clicked in my head, and my inner voice said, “You know what time it is? Maybe it’s time you stopped taking this all so seriously.”

I bought the watch on the spot, and still have it today. It’s the only one I wear.

It reminds me to stop obsessing, to laugh, to look in different direction for solutions, and that time is precious.

It’s a N.M.W. thing…

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I was standing in my kitchen today, reheating leftover Pad Thai, fretting over writing an article. You see, I’ve been out of commission almost all week, feeling mentally hazy and lethargic. But several years ago, I decided that this gets done no matter what. Since I made that decision, my articles going out through my newsletter account for bringing in 25% of my business.

25 percent. That is a big deal for the 2 or so hours a week I put into it. How would you like to increase your business by 25% with 2-3 hours of focus? Back to the kitchen…

I was thinking over my No Matter What policy, and it occurred to me that it was a great topic. It actually came up last week, during my members’ M.I.T.  (Monthly Intensive Training) class on follow-up strategies. Towards the end of the class, after going over word choices, strategies, and systems, one of the participants commented, “Now if I could just make myself DO these things!”

I asked a few questions, like “When you do follow up, do people refer you more? Do they return to do more business with you? Are they happy to hear from you? Do they appreciate your professionalism?”

The answers were yes on all counts, of course. So the question to ask is not how can you make yourself do it, it’s how can you afford not to? And what are you letting keep you so busy with that you can’t do the activities that bring you clients, referrals, and/or exposure?

Here’s a tool to help you sort through the noise to get to the critical business activities. Ask yourself if each activity has a strong potential to…

  1. Bring me clients?
  2. Make money?
  3. Garner referrals?
  4. Get me in front of my target market?
  5. Be of genuine service to people who can help me with 1-4?

If not, put it to the bottom of the list. And if you find one activity that fires on all cylinders  (like my newsletter does in my business), then make it a No Matter What activity. And I mean NO MATTER WHAT.

So get off your excuses, and be an entrepreneur. It’s time to really own your business. Decide what makes you successful, and then do what it takes. You’re worth it, you’re capable, and you have time to do anything you determine is critical to your business.

Want to get moving right now? Complete an application for a FREE Big Impact Strategy Session to find out how to get your business growing.

Focus on Your Core

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A few weeks ago I created a program so that I could offer training and networking at prices that everyone can afford in this economy.

In searching for a premise for the whole thing, I finally came up with a core concept of YES. And some of you have asked why this is the focus. So of course, I’m writing about it, and maybe you can use these ideas to develop your own business.

  1. Teach what you know. What DO I know? A wide range of things… I’ve created events, started networking groups, collaborated with large organizations, received referrals from hundreds of people, taught classes on effective e-newsletters, and coached entrepreneurs for years.
  2. Boil down that knowledge to a core idea. All of these various skills boiled down to the concept of finding ways to collaborate. In other words, getting people to say YES to working together with me.
  3. Focus everything you do on that one core idea. For instance, today I’m teaching an intensive class on follow-up that is all about getting people to say yes (and it’s not what you think). In a few weeks I’m teaching a class on how to ask for what you want. It’s all about learning to collect YES in your business in a fun way.
  4. Make sure you ENJOY your core idea. I used to wonder, “What if it turns out that I am a great country singer? I don’t like country music, so would I have to make a career out of it anyway?” I know – very random. But I’d say, no, don’t be a country singer if you don’t enjoy it.

In this vein, I created a free teleclass that is in alignment with the above points. It’s called “How to Ask For What You Want (and have fun doing it!).” Click here for details and to register.

What is your core idea?