Mary Cravets

Ask me for a referral. (I mean it!)

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Facebook Conversation with EmilyI was just on Facebook, messaging a client of mine who is making earrings for me. Emily’s got an awesome program where she makes custom earrings every quarter for you based on your style preferences. And it’s SO freaking affordable. Check it out.

So back to the topic (talk about getting distracted by bright shiny objects…) – we finished up the details about the jewelry, and both mentioned that we were working on our Minimum Marketing Plans (what’s that?), then the exchange continued like this:

Me: Have you run into anyone lately who is spinning in their business and could use my help?

Me: (just gave myself a star for asking for a referral!)

Emily: I have my Business Among Moms meeting tomorrow and I will mention our talk and have your info available!

Emily: Do you happen to know of anyone planning a wedding who would like custom one-of-a kind jewelry?

Me: OMG – I’m THINKING about it. This is wild. I love your stuff, but being ASKED lights up my brain in a whole different way.

Me: I can’t think of anyone at the moment, but will definitely keep you in mind.

Did you notice what happened? In the middle of a casual conversation, I realized I could check something off my marketing plan by asking for a referral. And Emily responded with a generous offer to promote me at her next networking meeting. Which made me feel great and now she’s getting top billing on my blog!

The key is recognizing opportunities to ask and asking without an agenda of how your request will be fulfilled.

Now it’s your turn. Ask for a referral right here on my blog. And look at what other people have asked for – maybe you can help!

Wildly Different, Strangely the Same

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Just about everyone I talk to is worried about money.

Money LifterSome people don’t know how they’re going to pay the rent this month, while others have thousands upon thousands in the bank. Some are on the verge of bankruptcy and others have residual income to the tune of $7K per month rolling in. Some have spouses with great incomes, others are on their own.

Weird, right? Their situations are wildly different, but the worry and fear are strangely the same across the board.

The truth is, fear about money becomes a habit that has almost nothing to do with reality – and I know this firsthand.

Years ago, my husband and I made a series of bad financial decisions, and ended up losing our house and declaring bankruptcy. That was a truly awful, fear-filled financial time. Fast-forward to today: our finances are stable and we have money in the bank, but I still sometimes find myself just as worried about money as I did during our worst financial times.

This disregard for reality is insane, it’s paralyzing, and it needs to stop.

To end the madness, ask yourself one simple question: “Am I truly in danger of being homeless and hungry within the next 60 days?”

If your answer is yes, swallow your pride and ask for help immediately. Look to friends, family and public assistance. Look for a job and get your income stable ASAP, even if it means putting your business on hold. Understand this is not a failure; it is a mature business decision that most entrepreneurs have to make at some point in their journeys.

If your answer is no, relax and reframe your concerns. Take a deep breath and acknowledge your financial situation is not life-or-death. Then clarify what you really want to change about your financial situation. Do you want to increase your income? Have more savings? Start a retirement fund? Give yourself a concrete picture of what you want so you can move past the vague, paralyzing worries and get into specific action steps.

The bottom line in both situations is to empower yourself by first getting crystal clear about the reality of your financial situation and then moving quickly into appropriate action.

Your heart will melt (and break)

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ZoeI wanted to share this little story because it is so sweet, and so innocent. It was provided by two seriously cool people I love – my sister Margaret and my niece Zoe.

Z worries when she sees a homeless person or someone asking for money. She’s got a tender heart. Today I gave her a few dollar bills to give to a homeless woman out of the car window. The woman said thank you, and Z, feeling VERY happy to have helped, said, “You’re welcome! Have fun getting a new house!”

These wonderful people are my priority, and provide me motivation to keep going on the days when everything seems go sideways. I always want the freedom to be there for them.

I am furious (this is about ethics, people)

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I am just furious. Last week I learned about a very well-known, highly polished “Success Coach” who charged a colleague of mine $10,000 for a two-day one-on-one retreat.
Ethics Image
That’s not even the infuriating part. Wait for it…

They met at the coach’s home both days of the retreat. Not only did this coach NOT deliver the promised results, she used a majority of the time to show off her lifestyle and then made a pitch for her $25,000 program.

Rather than bash this coach (which, admittedly, was my first instinct), I’d like to take this opportunity to share some tips to consider when investing in a training or coaching program:

  1. Have they “been there, done that”? If they are promising 2,000 followers on Twitter, check out how many followers they really have. If they are promising to help you double your income, find out whether they’ve doubled their income.
  2. Are they promising unrealistic overnight success? In general, programs promising overnight success are the ones to avoid. Any successful person will tell you there is no such thing as an overnight success. Anyone who makes this promise is probably hoping they will become an overnight success by selling you their program.
  3. Do they claim you can’t  get what they teach anywhere else? The overwhelming majority of claims of this type are false. While every coach brings a unique voice and perspective to their area of expertise, there is (almost) nothing new under the sun. This claim is generally made to elicit feelings of desperation to acquire/buy.
  4. Do they spend more than 10% of the time at their events selling? If a coach uses most of the time at an event selling (themselves), it creates tension and stirs up fears. Tension is a natural part of the sales process, but constant tension-building is a manipulation technique which creates an environment where one can no longer make rational decisions.
  5. Are you feeling desperate, needy or overwhelmed? This is the bottom line. Regardless of what someone is selling, or what their motives are, remember, the buck stops with you. Be present when making buying decisions. Be clear about what you need, and if the program presented is the best option, then invest! However, if you feel desperate, you will very likely make a decision you’ll regret. You’re allowed to step back and decide tomorrow. Be wary of anyone who pushes this boundary or tells you otherwise.

Disclaimer: Please understand that NONE of the above definitively identifies someone being unethical. In fact, because of the vast influence of a few big names in the training industry, it is almost impossible to sort them all out.

What do I mean? Coaches and Business Development Experts like me seek out expert advice when looking to grow our practices. Problems arise because the most well-known industry experts advocate the use of some of the practices above, often presenting them as the only way to succeed (see #3 above). Consequently, we feel backed into a corner, and like we don’t have any other options (see #5 above), even though it feels icky.

And yes, I do know this personally. In the past, I (cringe) used some of these methods, mirroring what I saw as acceptable business practices in my industry.

The good news is I sucked at them.

I was nervous, shaky and totally unconvincing, and people didn’t hire me. These accepted “techniques to help more people” were totally out of alignment with the way I wanted to treat fellow humans. So I tossed all of them out the window (the techniques, not the humans) and started just talking to people, finding out what they wanted, giving tons and tons of value, and then letting them decide to work with me when the time was right.

The result? Prospects feel empowered, whether they hire me or not. Plus, I teach these methods to my clients (see #1 above) so they can grow their businesses in alignment with their values, too.

Final Thoughts. Investing in yourself to work with a coach is an incredible display of courageous vulnerability, and I take that responsibility seriously. Every time someone hires me, I think, “This is one amazingly brave soul – let’s get moving!

Mind the Gap

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I work with driven people. Smart people who are constantly growing themselves and their businesses. I am one of those people. Our natural state seems to be one of mild to severe dissatisfaction. We are constantly are asking, “What are we missing? Who is ahead of us? What’s the next opportunity?”

Screen Shot 2014-06-09 at 11.42.14 AMWhat would you call this? Greed? Lack of gratitude? Insanity?

I call it the natural mental environment brought on and sustained by entrepreneurship.

Here are a few simple truths about the gaps that exist when you work for yourself, and some do’s and don’ts to help you survive them.

There is always more to learn.
DO implement your current knowledge. The BEST ideas are not theoretical, they are the ones that are put into action.
DON’T drown yourself in so much learning that you avoid implementing.

There is always someone doing better than you.
DO recognize yourself for what you’re doing great, and learn from those ahead of you.
DON’T paralyze yourself with comparisons.

As long as you’re an entrepreneur, you live in the gap between where you are and what you want.
DO find ways to be conscious of that gap, and co-exist with it peacefully.
DON’T define that gap as evidence that you are wrong, broken or less than anyone else.

DISCUSSION: What has been your experience with the gap? How do you take care of yourself?

Solve Sales Call Reluctance in 1 Step

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“How can I make myself do phone calls?”

I have heard this question again and again from clients in industries ranging from financial planning to direct sales to graphic design. There are even coaches who have built their entire practices teaching strategies to get on the phone without fear. But the truth is, there is only a small handful of business owners who absolutely must get on the phone in order to succeed.

I have a different approach, and one I know you’ll like. Ready for the one step to solve your call reluctance? Here it is:

Step 1: Stop wasting your time making phone calls, and instead invest your energy in activities that you’ll do with confidence and without resistance.

Resistance wastes valuable time. Even if phone calling has brought results in the past, if you take 4 days to work up the nerve to pick up the phone, you’ve wasted 4 days you could have been emailing or texting or in some other way reaching out to potential clients.

Times have changed. Stop buying the myth that phone calls are the end-all be-all of marketing activities. Phone calls used to be accepted as most effective way to reach people. These days, the majority of people reluctantly answer their phone (or don’t), they don’t listen to voicemail, and tend to want to spend as little time on the phone as possible. Phone calling is no longer the gold standard for communication with prospects.

No, it’s not a cop-out. Don’t judge yourself for deciding not to make phone calls, and to move on to actions you don’t resist and actually (gasp!) enjoy. It’s your business. You’re allowed to make executive decisions on how to run it. You have tons of options: email, social media, note cards, texting. Find alternative activities that work for your prospects, and lead to the results you want.

So give yourself a break. Keep consistently reaching out to prospects, just do it in a way that doesn’t stress you out.